I bumped into your mom today.
Maybe I can’t use the word bump because I doubt she saw me even though she took a glance at my direction.
The moment I saw her I froze. Literally stopped in my track. I probably took a few seconds to come to senses that I saw your mom.
Thoughts started to flood in my head. I wish I can dig a hole to hide so that she won’t see me. I walked in the opposite direction, to realise that why should I avoid. Maybe I should just walk past her and maybe smile and say hi.
I tried. I turned back. Yet the moment I saw her I can’t decide whether to walk past her or to avoid. I knew I won’t have the courage to face her. I avoided her by taking another route.
I can’t imagine how awkward it would be if we were to meet each other. Should I smile? Should I say hi? Should I pretend that I didn’t see her? Pretend not to know her? Will she think that I’m the girl who broke her son’s heart? The girl who left her son eventually?
She was with a guy. And I hope what you confided in me a few months back wasn’t true. And with that, it will probably make things even more awkward…
Yet now, I wished she had seen me. I wished I didn’t avoid her. I wish I have the courage to go up to her and ask her how is she and how are you. I wish I can apologise to her for hurting her son.
But I know all this will never happen. And probably will never happen again.
What are the chances of bumping into you, not to mention your mom? 😔
And today, I’ve learnt that I still can’t let it go. I still blame myself for what had happened. I wish I have handled everything in a much better way.
How long more will I learn to forgive myself? To be able to have the courage to face you? Or even your family?